


Everything Is Ok, NOBODY PANIC, we can fix this

by OllieMarieRen, w6rship



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack and Angst, Dark Crack, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Multi, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27730933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieMarieRen/pseuds/OllieMarieRen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/w6rship/pseuds/w6rship
Summary: Simp is onlineSimp: why the he-But is onlineBug: language.Bug is offlineSimp: why the HECK is illu-nii hitting a tree with a plastic baseball bat while yelling Russian swear words?Clown is onlineClown: emotions.Clown is offlineSimp: ah, understandable, have a nice day.Simp is offlineOrChatfics give me serotonin so I made my own, I also needed to let my friends know that I am alive since I can text them
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Kalluto Zoldyck, Alluka Zoldyck & Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Hisoka, Gon Freecs & Illumi Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kalluto Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck & Zushi, Gon Freecs & Kurapika, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Leorio Paladiknight, Gon Freecs & Mito Freecs, Gon Freecs & Nanika, Gon Freecs & Zushi, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Kalluto Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Milluki Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Milluki Zoldyck, Kalluto Zoldyck & Zushi, Killua Zoldyck & Milluki Zoldyck, Kurapika & Kalluto Zoldyck, Kurapika & Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, Milluki Zoldyck/Other(s), Mito Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Nanika & Alluka Zoldyck, Nanika & Kalluto Zoldyck, Nanika & Killua Zoldyck, Nanika & Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see, I gave up trying to format this

Ok, sooooo key:

Pikachu-kurapika (16 they/them)

clown-Hisoka (19 he/him)

Bug-illumi (19 It/its (neo pronouns))

Origami-kalluto (11 they/them/it)

Layoreo-leorio (16 he/him)

Simp-milluki (15 he/him)

Sunshine-Gon (14 he/him)

l8rSk8r-Killua (14 he/him)

Flute-melody (20 she/her/they)

Kay-Nanika (11 it/its/they)

HeadPats-alluka (11 she/her/they)

Spoon-zigg (18 he/him/it)

Hag-bisky (22 she/her)

Octobot-ikalgo (14 they/them/he)

Sushi-zushi (13 he/him)

Birb-wing (21 he/him)

Mitochondria-mito (20 she/her)

I included the pronouns so that it makes more sense when they say ‘it freaking blah blah blah’ or ‘no kidding they are cackling rn’ and so that I remember lol

Sunshine has added Pikachu, Clown, Bug, Origami, Layoreo, Simp, L8rSk8r, Flute, Kay, HeadPats, Spoon, Hag, Octobot, Birb, and Sushi to It Don’t Bite 

Sunshine: Hello everyone!!

L8rSk8r: what's up?

Clown: hello there Gon~

Pikachu: Hello.

Bug: Ohayo

Origami: hey

Layoreo: ello

Simp: Shut up

Flute: hey, how are you?

Kay: Hi

Octobot: Hi Gon!

Spoon: who are you?

Hag: Nice to see you Gon.

HeadPats: Hello!!!

Sushi: Hi!!!!

Birb: good morning

Sunshine: @L8rSk8r the sky

@Simp TwT

@Flute I’m good!! You?

@Spoon I’m Gon!

@Hag nice to see you to Bisky!

L8rSk8r: I-

Pfftttt

Simp: fine…… I guess you don’t have to shut up….

Flute: I’m good as well! Thank you for asking!

Spoon: Nice to meet you Gon, I’m Zigg, Zigg Zoldyck, He/him/it

Bug: :eyes:

L8rSk8r: There are more of us-

Simp: bish wut-

Origami: nice to see you again, Zigg.

Spoon: ah, I’m afraid I do not know who all of you are.

L8rSk8r: I’m Killua, Killua Zoldyck, he/him

Bug: Illumi Morrow-Zoldyck, it/its

Simp: MIlluki Zoldyck, he/him

Origami: Kalluto Zoldyck, they/them/it

Flute: Melody Kruger, she/her/they

Layoreo: Leorio Palidiknight, he/him

Sunshine: Gon Freeccs, He/him

Pikachu: Kurapika, they/them.

Kay: Nanika Zoldyck, it/its/they

HeadPats: Alluka Zoldyck, She/her/they

Clown: Hisoka Morrow-Zoldyck, He/him

Hag: Bisket Kruger, But you can call me Bisky, She/her

Sushi: Zushi, He/him

Octobot: Ikalgo, They/them/he

Birb: Wing Kruger, He/him

Spoon: it's a pleasure to meet all of you.

L8rSk8r: we all go to the same school wut-

Spoon: we do?

Sunshine: yeah!! Hunter Academy, right?

Pikachu: oh, we do…..

Sunshine: is that a bad thing Kurapika-san?

Pikachu: no…..

Layoreo: they are silently crying

Pikachu: dudiwheiuwh LEORIO!!!!!

Layoreo: WHAT!!?!?!?!!? IT'S TRUE!!!!

Pikachu: YEAH BUT YOU DONT NEED TO SAY IT!!!

Layoreo: sorry……

L8rSk8r: it was at that moment he realized…….he fu-

Bug: Language.

L8rSk8r: fricked up

Pikachu: IM COMING FOR YOUR KNEECAPS

Layoreo: NO!!! NOT MY KNEECAPS!!!

Hag: I leave you alone for fIVE SECONDSBDDIUHDIUH

Bug: :eyes: what did you expect?

Sunshine: sorry……

Hag: Gon-chan, you have done no wrong.

Several people are typing...

L8rSk8r: Do no wrong.

Origami: See no wrong.

Bug: Speak no wrong.

Simp: Hear no wrong.

Kay: Feel no wrong.

  
HeadPats: Taste no wrong.

Spoon: how you all managed to send those simultaneously terrifies me.

Several people are typing...

L8rSk8r: it's the 12 years of beatings for me

Origami: it's the misgendering for me.

Kay: it's the transphobia for me.

Simp: it's the poisoned food for me

Bug: it's the electrocution for me.

HeadPats: It's the neglect for me

Spoon: Silva and Kikyo still jerks then?

Several people are typing…

L8rSk8r: yup

Bug: yes.

Origami: definitely.

Kay: mhm

HeadPats: yeah

Simp: always were, always will be

Spoon: shall I go talk to them or have you guys left already?

Several people are typing…

Clown: Illu-chan is with me

Bug: I am with my husband.

Hag: Nanika-chan, Alluka-chan, Killua-chan, and Kalluto-chan are with me and my husband and wife.

Birb: Nanika-chan, Alluka-chan, Killua-chan, and Kalluto-chan are with me and my wives.

Flute: Nanika-chan, Alluka-chan, Killua-chan, and Kalluto-chan are with me and my husband and wife.

Kay: I am with Wing, Bisky, and Melody.

Origami: I am with Wing-kun, Bisky-chan, and Melody-san.

L8rSk8r: I am with Wing, Bisky, and Melody

HeadPats: I am with Wing-san, Bisky-chan, and Melody-san

Simp: I am with Illu-nii and Hiso-nii

Bug: Milluki is with us.

Clown: Milluki-chan is with us.

Layoreo: it's scary how many txt messages yall can send in two (2) min-

Several people are typing…

Bug: we trained.

Simp: we trained.

HeadPats: we trained.

Kay: we trained.

  
Spoon: we trained.

Clown: we trained.

L8rSk8r: we trained.

Flute: we trained.

Hag: we trained.

Birb: we trained.

Origami: we trained.

Sushi: you are car.

Bug: :eyes: we are car?

Sushi: did I stutter?

Octobot: oop-

Sksksksksksksksksksks

L8rSk8r: no-

HeadPats: sAvE tHe TuRtLeS

Simp: your waifu is shtick

HeadPats: le gasp HoW dArE

Pikachu: all right, time out time, get on top of the fridge

L8rSk8r: no-

Pikachu: GET ON TOP OF THE GOD DANG FRIDGE

L8rSk8r: I HATE THIS FREAKING FAMILY

Layoreo: you love us

L8rSk8r: shaddap

Sunshine: TwT

L8rSk8r: I don’t hate this entire family

Sunshine: ;w;

L8rSk8r: I love you guys

Sunshine: :)

Several people are typing…

Bug: :eyes:

Layoreo: :eyes:

Origami: :eyes:

Kay: :eyes:

HeadPats: :eyes:

Pikachu: :eyes:

Clown: :eyes:

Flute: :eyes:

Birb: :eyes:

Hag: :eyes:

Spoon: :eyes:

Simp: :eyes:

Sushi: :eyes:

Octobot: :eyes:

L8rSk8r and Sunshine are typing…

L8rSk8r: I-

Sunshine: I-

Sushi: drift x14

Pikachu: :tableflip:

Layoreo: :unflip:

Bug: :eyes:

Pikachu and Layoreo are typing

Pikachu: :shrug:

Layoreo: :shrug:

Octobot: :poggers:

Bug: :eyes:

Octobot: :shrug:

Clown: :oppa:

Bug: :squint:

Clown: :lenny:

Bug: ¯\\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯

Pikachu: :tableflip:

Layoreo: :unflip:

L8rSk8r: (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)👌

Bug and clown are typing….

Bug: (👍≖‿‿≖)👍

Clown: 👍(≖‿‿≖👍)

Bug is offline

Clown is offline

Spoon: what did I just witness?

Pikachu: :redcircle: :mouth: :redcircle: :knife: :chains: :spider: :chains:

Layoreo: want me to come help?

Pikachu: :deadpan:

Layoreo: omw

Layoreo is offline

Pikachu is offline

12 people are offline

.... ..- -. - . .-. / -..- / .... ..- -. - . .-.

Sunshine has added Mitochondria to It don’t bite

Mitochondria is online

Mitochondria: hello, I’m Mito Freeccs, she/her

Mitochondria is offline

.... ..- -. - . .-. / -..- / .... ..- -. - . .-.

L8rSk8r is online

L8rSk8r: @Sunshine why did you add your aunt?

Sunshine is online

Sunshine: she wanted me too!!!

Don’t worry!!! She’ll probably only say something if we @ her or if we are doing something stupid!!!!

L8rSk8r: and something stupid constitutes as……….?

Sunshine: I don’t know!!!!

Origami is online

Origami: so bright…….I am blinded….

L8rSk8r: shut yo emo as-

Bug is online

Bug: language.

Bug is offline

L8rSk8r: behind up

Layoreo is online

Layoreo: it's scary how he-

Clown is online

Clown: *it

Clown is offline

Layoreo: it’s scary how it seems to sense when one of us is gonna swear

Bug is online

Bug: :eyes:

Bug is offline

Simp is online

Simp: why the he-

Bug is online

Bug: language.

Bug is offline

Simp: why the heck is Illu-nii hitting a tree with a baseball bat while yelling Russian swear words?

**Clown is online**

Clown: emotions

**Clown is offline**

Simp: ah, understandable, have a nice day.

**Simp is offline**

**Pikachu is online**

Pikachu: :tableflip: I don’t like this table.

**Layoreo is online**

**Octobot is online**

Layoreo: :unflip: but I do like this table.

Octobot: :shrug: I prefer chairs.

**9 people are online**

**Several people are typing…**

Spoon: :eyes:

Kay: :eyes:

Bug: :eyes:

L8rSk8r: :eyes:

HeadPats: :eyes:

Simp: :eyes:

Origami: :eyes:

Clown: :eyes:

Sunshine: :eyes:

Pikachu: :eyes:

Layoreo: :eyes:

Flute: :eyes:

Hag: :eyes:

Birb: :eyes:

Sushi: :eyes:

9 people are offline

Octobot: how the he-

Bug is online

Bug: Language.

**Bug is offline**

Octobot: how the heck-

**Mitochondria is online**

Mitochondria: :shrug:

**Mitochondria is offline**

**Everyone is offline**


	2. I wrote this at midnight, fuck off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, I will not translate the other languages, or tell you what they are

And now we are back with more unedited illumi swear sensing

L8rSk8r: ok, guys, Hisoka is watching Illumi and it is currently sleeping, someone try too swear

Kay: fu-

Bug is online

Bug: language.

Bug is offline

Clown: sbciudbiwucdiuw

L8rSk8r: what?

Clown: it is still asleepheihwoiej

Clown: it just hwuhiehowije grabbed it's phone, in it's sleep, sent that, and laid back down what the he-

Bug is online

Bug: language.

Bug is offline

L8rSk8r: ehoijoeifjrjfio

Clown: huehihfoehwiji

Simp: iheioejoferiji bi-

Bug is online

Bug: LANGUAGE!

Bug is offline

Simp: udhwiuhiwhqoihqoihouhieuhciue

Octobot: it is :sparkles: omniscient :sparkles:

Layoreo: egg

Spoon: knife

Sushi: car

Bug: table

L8rSk8r: drawer 

Sunshine: wall

Pikachu: chain

Hag: wig

Birb: feather

Flute: bread

Clown: balloon

Origami: paper

Simp: manga

Kay: IV

HeadPats: blanket

Layoreo: rhyme with me

Layoreo: pan

Kay: fan

HeadPats: ham

Kay: yam

Headpats: ram

Kay: sam

Headpats: fam

Kay; cam

Headpats; duck

Kay; shuck

Headpats: pluck

Kay; muck

L8rsk8r; fuc-

Bug; language

L8rsk8r; Блядь

Bug: язык.

Bug: Я дал тебе много шансов убить, я забираю твои привилегии чокоботов

L8rsk8r: ах, как посмел

Bug: это не твоя вина, а твоя, брат

Spoon: ξέρω ελληνικά;

Bug and L8rsk8r are typing…

L8rsk8r: κανείς δεν ρώτησε

Bug: κανείς δεν ρώτησε


	3. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :)

Sunshine: Therapy!!!!!! :)

Pikachu: put a space between the e and the r

Hag: hbybyvyftf CHILDE


	4. ThAtS nOt HoW yOu SpElL ‘W’

Layoreo: I just realized…...none of us have been spelling ‘child’ correctly……

L8rSk8r: WELL-

L8rSk8r: you aren’t spelling ‘W’ correctly……..bitch

Bug is online

Bug: language 

Bug is offline 

Layoreo: Fucking-

Bug is online

Bug: I give up

Bug is offline

Pikachu: how tf DO u spell w?

Sushi: idk

Sunshine: doubleyou????

L8rSk8r: ¯\\_( ͡❛ ㅅ ͡❛)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a true story


End file.
